Confessions of a non-conformist Jew

Rabbi Irwin Wiener, D.D.

I will begin by stating that I am a reform rabbi. In fact, I am, what is classified, as a classical reform rabbi. So now that the air has been cleared, so to speak, I will proceed to discuss the pros and cons of interfaith weddings and their impact on the Jewish people in general and Judaism in particular.

To properly understand where I am coming from –allow me to begin by stating that I am a mesifta graduate having gone to both yeshiva and mesifta. My career has been totally immersed in Jewish living and identity. I have directed religious schools, been involved deeply in youth activities such as USY (United Synagogue Youth) and NCSY( National Council of Synagogue Youth). And, I have been a director of synagogues as well as director of a federation agency and presently a rabbi of a reform congregation.

During the course of my career I have gone from Orthodox to Conservative to Reform, where I now reside. These changes did not come easily or overnight. When I left Orthodoxy it was because I felt that peripheral vision was needed to ensure the survival of the Jewish people. Fundamentalism in any form does not include this vision. This is not meant to denigrate Orthodoxy – after all, “some of my best friends …....” I could not reconcile continuity with exclusiveness. And let me state unequivocally that my intention is not to convince anyone of the rightness or wrongness of their belief or following.

Conservative Judaism seemed to be the answer. The concept of synagogue centers was very appealing giving our youth the opportunity to not only be involved in religious experiences, but also having their social and sports activities incorporated in their synagogue life. USY seemed to be the perfect vehicle to enhance Jewish fervor and secular exposure. Somehow the concept was lost – the concept of bridging the gap between Orthodoxy and Reform. Somehow the infighting and lack of leadership diluted the true essence of Conservative Judaism.

Now we evolve to Reform Judaism. The very name conjures up distortions because the intent was not to eradicate Judaism but rather to give it meaning in today’s world and the United States of America. Although founded in Germany, its real roots stem from Spinoza who taught that experimentation and modernization are not sins of omission but rather methods by which growth can be assured. It was as radical an idea in his day as it is today to many who proclaim that Reform Judaism will destroy the very fabric of Jewish life.

My involvement with Reform Judaism stemmed from the idea of inclusiveness. Of what value is Judaism if it does not seem relevant or necessary in everyday life, if we separate ourselves? Where is the future of the Jewish people if we live forever in the past without trying to understand the present and the future? This is not a foreign concept. The rabbis of the Talmud were forever experimenting with “traditional” Judaism because they understood, only too well, that the past was a path to the future not an end a

Which brings me to the subject of interfaith weddings and its impact on Jewish life: Does participating in interfaith weddings enhance the opportunity for continuity?

If people reach out their hands and they are not accepted what have we done? We have alienated them and perhaps will never see them again. If mothers and fathers agonize over identification or continuity, and we shun them, what have we done? We will have lost not only those wishing to maintain some connection but also rejected their families.

What about continuing Jewish involvement? If there was a chance that Judaism would be the faith of the family, and we have not accepted a token observance what have we done? We will have convinced that family that Judaism is not inclusive but rather exclusive to the point that “purity” is the litmus test for acceptance.

Surveys have been taken and results of those surveys have been published which suggest that there is a positive reaction to Jewish involvement of interfaith couples. Rabbi Arnold Dashefsky found that interfaith couples who had a rabbi as the sole officiant at their wedding were nearly 40 percent more likely to raise their children Jewish than couples who did not have Jewish clergy or had co-officiants. Rabbi Albert Axelrad, in 1985, a longtime director of Brandeis University Hillel wrote “Meditations of a Maverick Rabbi.” The most astounding part of the book is his revelation that he officiates at interfaith weddings, as he calls for a serious sociological analysis of the impact of rabbinic officiation at interfaith weddings.

Many rabbis, myself included, deal more with the compassion needed for uniting a couple who want a rabbi to preside over their wedding. I feel that, if they were not concerned about their Jewishness, they could just as easily have gone to a justice of the peace or in some instances to non -Jewish clergy. Is that the path for continuity?

I have discovered, over the course of time, requests for additional study and eventual conversion to Judaism. My extended hand, I believe, played a significant part in those decisions. Even those who did not want to convert wanted to learn more about our faith so that they could provide a Jewish environment for their family. Could this have been accomplished by rejecting them and turning them away? To me it is a sure sign that their journey of life will include a Jewish component and I am thankful to have been instrumental in maintaining the link in the chain of the future of our people

I could recite, chapter and verse, the experiences, but that would not convince many of our faith who feel that their understanding of interfaith weddings means dilution not continuation. And I certainly will not try to convince them otherwise. What I am trying to do as a rabbi in Israel is to ensure that the next generation will be there to proclaim their Jewish identification and that Am Yisrael Hai is not just a slogan but a reality.