Aging

Rabbi Irwin Wiener, D.D.



Bad things happen to us. We tend to regard the misery that surrounds us as foreign and far removed. That is our defense mechanism. The truth, however, is that things that cause pain are real and lasting.

When we are young we feel invincible. We cannot be destroyed and we cannot be broken. We tend to be careless with our health and think that old is a number that is somewhere out there and does not have our name attached to it.

Our youth is spent dreaming and the middle years filled with excitement. The maturing years seem to contain the entire past but with a new understanding of our fallibility. We are not so sure anymore – not about the future and especially not about our place in the aftermath of life.

There is pain and death and fear, as we get older. Life seems to have gotten away from us. When we were young we wanted to be older and as we get older we want to be young. When we laughed as youngsters it was intense and the older we get that laughter seems to be remote. We concentrate on ailments real or imagined. We reminisce more than enjoying the moment. We talk about doctors and hospitals as though they were shopping mall adventures. We move slowly and slowly move to places we remember our parents or grandparents being involved in.

What has happened to us? Once we were vital and energetic and daring. Now we are afraid to travel life’s road because we don’t know about our return. Once we loved with a passion that made us tingle and now we talk about it because it comes in a prescription. Once we were out in the sunshine and now we seem to stay in the shade. Days seem to blend with other days and the nights never end.

It is time to wake up from this nightmare and live! It is time to understand that though we are in our maturing stage we are vital and vibrant and have so much to offer. We can be essential to our families, our friends, and ourselves. We can accept aging with grace and dignity. We can think about yesterday because it will make tomorrow more meaningful.

Now we have grown children who also have grown children. The foundation we nurtured is not the end but rather a continuation of a life that has experiences yet to be discovered. We travel the globe, not in search of the fountain of youth, but rather to ensure that we remain a necessary part of creation. We visit old friends to allow us the opportunity to renew ourselves because of the occurrences that gave us joy. We journey great distances to be with family; family that once lived so close we thought the world centered on that time and place.

Groucho Marx once remarked that at a certain time in our life we go to bed hoping that we will feel better in the morning and as we age we go to bed hoping that we will have a morning. Is that what aging means? He may have been joking but when you think about it, there is truth in his humor. Our thoughts seem to gravitate to the end rather than the continuation of the journey. We laugh at what we forgot because we fear that it is a sign of the nearness of our final chapter.

It is our responsibility to continue dreaming. That is the part of the privilege of being older. When we were younger we had visions and now those visions are our todays. But we still dream because life is filled with dreams of what is. Dreams are our present as visions helped determine our future.

The season of remembering, of dreaming, of life, is upon us. Bad things do happen to us. Bad things happen to everyone. But good things, the things that make for a useful and interesting life, are a greater part of who we are. It is OK to reminisce, to think about yesterday as long as it brings us a better understanding of today and even tomorrow.

Rosh Hashanah which is almost here is about the past. Yom Kippur is about the future. The events that brought us to these celebrations are called life. And these holidays should help us believe in the power of aging and their rewards.

The coming holiday season can bring us a closeness that only maturity allows us to appreciate. Our family and friends are part of the process. Reliance on God will steer us through the bad times and help us rejoice in the good. It all boils down to one word: Life! Life is for living and hopefully we will be able to weather the storms so that the rainbow put there to give us hope will do just that.