Kever Avot:
The Resting Places of our Ancestors

Rabbi Irwin Wiener, D.D.

There is a beautiful ceremony that takes place each year during the Hebrew month of Elul. Sometimes it occurs on the Sunday between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. It is called Kever Avot.

We visit the gravesites of our relatives and friends and whisper their names as we attempt to remember and pay tribute to their memories. Some of us are not able to connect because of distant burials but we gather together at a cemetery because it symbolizes for us the resting places of everyone we knew and loved and cherished.

It is a graceful reminder of the flight of time as well as encouraging us to gain strength from the lives of loved ones. Some losses are recent and some more distant but all involving the recollection of achievements and defeats that make up our journey of life.

Not only do we memorialize but we also console. We have all traveled the road of the valley of the shadows and we understand the need for solace and comfort that is achieved with family and friends.

At this time of the year – the High Holidays – we are especially mindful of the fragility of life. We think of a Book that is open to the page with our name at the heading. And we wonder about our fate as well as those who have gone before us. We wonder whether we are doing justice to memories. No more smiles or laughter. No more touching or caressing. There is so much of no more.

Now is the time for memory to replace existence. Now is the time for healing so that remembrances of our loved ones have meaning. This is how we do justice to memories.
This is how we put into perspective our lives so that there are no regrets.

The people we remember at the Kever Avot ceremony do not have any tomorrows but they are always with us. We are their tomorrows. But what happens when we are gone – who will continue remember? The answer to that question, in my opinion, is quite simple: The Angels will continue to sing their names and God will always remember. The candles we light year after year will remain burned in the stars that shine forever. This is God’s promise of eternal life.

At this time – the time of Kever Avot – and the time of Yizkor, we concentrate on the reminiscences of all who were dear to us and who no longer travel the journey of life with us. Their memories should remind us that time is precious. And we should share every moment with someone we care about or needs us to lend a helping hand. The we will truly do honor to the memories that are part of our feelings – right now – right at the spot we find ourselves during this time – on this solemn occasion. Maybe this will help us as we travel the path that will lead us to the very spot we cherish.

I read a poem recently. There was no mention of the author. But it rings in my mind as I try to respect the dignity of the fallen ones:

And if I go while you are still here – know that I live on,
vibrating still to a different measure behind a thin veil you
cannot see through.

You will not see me, so you must have faith.

I wait the time when we can soar together again,
both aware of each other.

Until then, live your lives to the fullest.
And when you need me, just whisper my name in your heart-
I will be there.

Kever Avot gives us the ability to whisper the names of those we miss and know that they are with us as we remember.