Rabbi Irwin Wiener, D.D.
It is so difficult to say goodbye. Thoughts of missed opportunities, of dreams that were never realized, of hurts that never mended, all come to the surface when someone close to us dies. And we don’t want to say goodbye because it is so final.
We try to find the words that will offer comfort. We attempt to rationalize the time allotted so that it has some meaning. We soothe our pain by thinking of an eternal reward only God can give.
More than that we seem to concentrate on our own mortality.
The Talmud attempts to offer some insight by stating that every man has three friends – his children, his money, and his good deeds. So when the time comes to leave this world he calls to his children who inform him that no one can conquer death. Next is his money: he cries out to his savings, asking them to save him, and the money replies that wealth cannot save you from death. Finally he calls on his good deeds, and they offer an understanding that upon his arrival in the world to come, his good deeds will precede him to offer help to his soul.
Saying goodbye has two aspects - that which we say to our friends and families and that which we say to ourselves. What we say to others conveys the regrets and wishes that were never fulfilled, the sorrows of a life that was filled with tragedies, and the joys that gave us laughter and happiness. To ourselves we often express feelings of guilt and remorse: Have we been a true friend or a loving companion? But we’re also thankful for having been part of that life.
While we say goodbye we know that it is not final. Each year we light a candle to remind us of that special relationship that continues. During the year we recite the Yizkor prayer to enable us to assist that soul in its journey and destination with the Creator who breathed life into us at the beginning.
In the final analysis, what we attempt to do in saying goodbye is to keep the memory alive, for that is the essence of immortality. Most of us will never have a monument erected to remind everyone of our sojourn here on Earth. Most of us will not have poems or sonnets written for future generations to read. But some will have a section of a piece of land dedicated to our sacred voyage. Some will be scattered to the winds confirming the eternalness of life.
And we search for answers to why: why we left so soon, why we suffered, why is death so final and life so temporary? In one instant we open our eyes and in the next they are closed – never to be opened again. We tend to forget that in between the opening and the closing is what we call life. And life is to live. Sometimes life is not fair. Sometimes life is a burden. Sometimes life is filled with too much sorrow and despair.
However, life also contains weddings and births and celebrations designed to help us appreciate the gift given to us by a caring and loving God. Life is what we make of it through great effort. Life is love and kissing and hugging. Life is being able to say hello before we say goodbye.
Living allows us to comprehend the beauty of creation through life’s continuing evolution. Just as creation is never ending, so is life. We move from one form to another but never to a final destination; rather, we are returned to our Creator to be reborn again. The earth may be filled with the remnants of who we once were, but the soul winds its way toward that heavenly connection and eventually is reunited with another creation as new life is formed.
We are immortal because eternity is the natural succession of our existence today. We are immortal because life never ends but takes different forms and finally returns as it was. We are immortal because memory remains the link between life and death. We are immortal because we are created in the Divine image and as God is forever so are we.
Saying goodbye is painful because we suffer a loss, and there is a void that seems irreplaceable. Saying goodbye seems so final. Perhaps that is why we should say farewell, not goodbye. Farewell doesn’t appear to be so decisive, giving us an opportunity to never forget.
The Kaddish prayer is designed to help us understand that while there is a loss, there is also thankfulness for that person having been part of our life and for us having had the opportunity to enjoy a lover, a friend, a confidant, a parent. The ability to share the journey of life is the blessing and will help us say goodbye, or farewell.
Farewell, Dennis Mellman.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Same Picture
Rabbi Irwin Wiener, D.D.
Recently I watched a movie in which a man took 4000 pictures (photos) of the same street scene over a period of 4000 days. At first I thought about how strange this is. But after reviewing in my mind that particular scene I began to realize that even though the picture was of the same street scene the characters changed because different people walked in front of the camera.
What does this have to do with Rosh Hashanah – a lot! Year after year we offer the same prayers, request the same kindness from a caring and loving God, hope that our lives will be less complicated – we pray for peace and justice – and it seems that the picture remains the same – different characters appear in each snapshot of life, but basically we are the same as our ancestors before us and if we could fast forward we probably would see the same ahead.
Each year we read either the Akedah – the binding of Isaac or Genesis – the beginning of everything. They are really connected – one deals with obedience and sacrifice and the other with how we got to the point of understanding the need for duty and honor and destiny.
Abraham is asked to submit to the will of God and present his son Isaac as the ultimate offering of fealty. Can anyone here imagine answering such a call? If we know anything about who we are as a people, we surely accept the fact that we bend over backwards to offer our children the best that we can and attempt to shield them from harm and danger. We invented the “yiddisher momma.” We are the first to show pictures of our children and grandchildren ad nausea. Can anyone really believe that we would take our child and kill him or her in the name of God?
Well, neither could Abraham, and for that matter, Sarah – she dies soon after this encounter – not clear in her mind as to what was happening or why or how God, who so lovingly granted her wish for a child, would want to retake that which was given. So much has been written about this chapter and the opinions vary. But the one clear message, to me, is that while God may not really require such obedience, it is evident that our mind can suggest ways for us to exonerate ourselves from our misgivings and in so doing cast the burden on our progeny. We do it all the time – we scapegoat instead of taking responsibility – we blame others for our shortcomings.
And then there is the belief that we learn from this episode that we have a responsibility to a higher calling. And as we learn from the Ramban, we must understand that our conscience should be the deciding factor in our dealings with one another. We all have the potential to do good which rates higher that the actual deed.
The second reading suggested is Bereshit (as interpreted in the Etz Haim) – Genesis – the creation of existence as we know it. It emphasizes God’s role in history. It sets forth our views and values on civilization and how we deem it part and parcel of the religion of Israel. It describes God as wholly sufficient, independent of nature – the unchallenged sovereign of the world who is involved in human affairs – He is the God of history and He is the God of creation – the creation of the human spirit, and the two – God and the spirit of humanity are woven together to complete the event of creation.
The lesson we learn from the “Beginning” is that we are born with free will, moral responsibility and accountability. There is no free ride. If we wanted a free ride, God would have left us in the Garden. If, however, we want to be a partner with God in perfecting that which He put before us, then we need to accept the duty that is incumbent upon us.
On the one hand we are asked to make sacrifices and on the other we are asked to take responsibility – they are in fact connected – sometimes being responsible requires sacrifice.
Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur deal with acknowledgement and willingness – admitting that we are who we are and therefore must answer for our actions and eager to submit to the task of saying we are sorry.
And, God doesn’t really want us to complete the deed – just make the attempt. Maybe then we won’t be so hard on ourselves and our supplications and contrition will have meaning for us.
Yes, it is the same picture year after year, but while the scenery doesn’t change, the people in the foreground do – each new generation seeking to find the answer – each generation seeking the understanding of God.
A rabbi, wishing to instruct a small boy on God’s ability to be everywhere, said to the boy:
“Show me every place that God is, and I will give you a penny.”
“Rabbi,” answered the boy, with the insight of youth, “show me any place that God isn’t, and I will give you two pennies.”
Is there a better answer?
Recently I watched a movie in which a man took 4000 pictures (photos) of the same street scene over a period of 4000 days. At first I thought about how strange this is. But after reviewing in my mind that particular scene I began to realize that even though the picture was of the same street scene the characters changed because different people walked in front of the camera.
What does this have to do with Rosh Hashanah – a lot! Year after year we offer the same prayers, request the same kindness from a caring and loving God, hope that our lives will be less complicated – we pray for peace and justice – and it seems that the picture remains the same – different characters appear in each snapshot of life, but basically we are the same as our ancestors before us and if we could fast forward we probably would see the same ahead.
Each year we read either the Akedah – the binding of Isaac or Genesis – the beginning of everything. They are really connected – one deals with obedience and sacrifice and the other with how we got to the point of understanding the need for duty and honor and destiny.
Abraham is asked to submit to the will of God and present his son Isaac as the ultimate offering of fealty. Can anyone here imagine answering such a call? If we know anything about who we are as a people, we surely accept the fact that we bend over backwards to offer our children the best that we can and attempt to shield them from harm and danger. We invented the “yiddisher momma.” We are the first to show pictures of our children and grandchildren ad nausea. Can anyone really believe that we would take our child and kill him or her in the name of God?
Well, neither could Abraham, and for that matter, Sarah – she dies soon after this encounter – not clear in her mind as to what was happening or why or how God, who so lovingly granted her wish for a child, would want to retake that which was given. So much has been written about this chapter and the opinions vary. But the one clear message, to me, is that while God may not really require such obedience, it is evident that our mind can suggest ways for us to exonerate ourselves from our misgivings and in so doing cast the burden on our progeny. We do it all the time – we scapegoat instead of taking responsibility – we blame others for our shortcomings.
And then there is the belief that we learn from this episode that we have a responsibility to a higher calling. And as we learn from the Ramban, we must understand that our conscience should be the deciding factor in our dealings with one another. We all have the potential to do good which rates higher that the actual deed.
The second reading suggested is Bereshit (as interpreted in the Etz Haim) – Genesis – the creation of existence as we know it. It emphasizes God’s role in history. It sets forth our views and values on civilization and how we deem it part and parcel of the religion of Israel. It describes God as wholly sufficient, independent of nature – the unchallenged sovereign of the world who is involved in human affairs – He is the God of history and He is the God of creation – the creation of the human spirit, and the two – God and the spirit of humanity are woven together to complete the event of creation.
The lesson we learn from the “Beginning” is that we are born with free will, moral responsibility and accountability. There is no free ride. If we wanted a free ride, God would have left us in the Garden. If, however, we want to be a partner with God in perfecting that which He put before us, then we need to accept the duty that is incumbent upon us.
On the one hand we are asked to make sacrifices and on the other we are asked to take responsibility – they are in fact connected – sometimes being responsible requires sacrifice.
Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur deal with acknowledgement and willingness – admitting that we are who we are and therefore must answer for our actions and eager to submit to the task of saying we are sorry.
And, God doesn’t really want us to complete the deed – just make the attempt. Maybe then we won’t be so hard on ourselves and our supplications and contrition will have meaning for us.
Yes, it is the same picture year after year, but while the scenery doesn’t change, the people in the foreground do – each new generation seeking to find the answer – each generation seeking the understanding of God.
A rabbi, wishing to instruct a small boy on God’s ability to be everywhere, said to the boy:
“Show me every place that God is, and I will give you a penny.”
“Rabbi,” answered the boy, with the insight of youth, “show me any place that God isn’t, and I will give you two pennies.”
Is there a better answer?
Friday, August 1, 2008
Israel - The Future
Rabbi Irwin Wiener, D.D.
At this time of the year, the time for observance of the High Holidays, our thoughts revolve around what was, what is, and what will be. And just as much thought is given to a place that has been in our hearts, Israel. We speak to God about the past and we beseech God about the future. This is a time for great contemplation about our place in the world and the contributions we have made for the betterment of the human experience.
There is a Yiddish folk saying that goes: “You have chosen us from among all the nations. Why, O Lord? What did you have against us?” Sometimes we wonder what all the fuss is about – this “chosen” business. Everyone calls us the “chosen people” and just as many want to undo what has been ordained. Is it jealousy? Perhaps. But the real culprit is the interpretation. We were chosen to deliver a message and to do so requires a place from which to accomplish this. That place is Israel, the Holy Land, the place designated to deliver the Holy message of God.
Whether you believe in the theory of the “Promised Land” is immaterial. The important thing to remember is that our people settled that land over three thousand years ago. That’s right, not yesterday, or two centuries ago, or even two millennium ago. We were chased and scattered all over the world for two thousand years, and finally, 60 years ago we returned with the vow never to be separated again.
David Ben-Gurion once stated that building a State means for us a return to the soil. We found hundreds of Arab villages but we did not take them away. We established hundreds of new Jewish villages bought with Jewish National Fund monies. We didn’t merely buy the land, we re-created the land. Hundreds of Jews died of malaria in the swamps and those that survived refused to leave until it was made healthy. With our toil, our sweat, and with an abundance of love we remade and are remaking the soil to enable all to settle there, not at the expense of anyone else. Anyone who has visited Israel (only 20% of American Jewry) can attest to a barren land made to flourish, cities that now reach heights of modernity. We have made contributions to humankind never dreamed possible that now enable people to live a better life.
We could repeat over and over again the virtues of a people so devoted to a land, a place, an ideal, and not repeat ourselves once. But there are forces that exist both covertly and overtly that would do everything to undermine the truth of who we are and what the Land of Israel means to us. Even to the extent of trying to re-write history.
A while ago there were a series of programs presented by CNN – a news media that does not hide its bias against Israel. The program was titled “God’s Warriors.” It was supposed to illustrate the fringes of all three religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Critics have already highlighted the programs multiple distortions, questionable experts and troubling bias regarding Judaism. The crux of the presentation regarding Judaism had nothing to do with Judaism but was used to denounce the settlements and their so-called impediment to a lasting Middle East peace. Can anyone in their right mind believe that this is the root of all the turmoil?
Before 1967 there were no settlements, but still the Arabs lived in poverty with no relief from their brothers in other Arab lands. Terrorists bombed Israel; Arab children had explosives strapped to their little bodies and were martyred by their people. Now their mother's have replaced them. There is nothing new here.
What is new is the suggestion that America’s ills are tied to this issue; that September 11, 2001 is a direct result of this issue; that the reign of terror visited on the whole world is a result of this issue; that terror organizations such as Hezbollah, PLO, Hamas, etc. are a result of this issue.
The program insisted that the Israel lobby controls America; that American Jews have dual loyalties; that the Jews are the cause of all the ills in the world. On and on we hear the same old tales with different twists. Never was it mentioned that Islam has declared war on the world – first the Saturday observers and then the Sunday observers.
In a new book by two distinguished professors, John Mearsheimer of the University of Chicago and Stephen Walt of Harvard wrote that Israel and America share common values. They portray Israel as an aggressor nation constantly threatening its neighbors and brutalizing the Palestinians and that the main reason America is the target of terrorists is because of its support for Israel. Even a past president of these United States espouses this theory and goes even further only because of his receipt of monies from Arab entities.
It is important for us to remember who we are. We need to understand who “they” are.
Not because we seek revenge but rather because we must safeguard our very lives from those who wish to destroy us. But as God has promised and fulfilled time and again –“those who curse you will themselves be cursed.”
Our dreams are the fabric that keep us from disappearing as have so many other civilizations. Centuries of wandering never dimmed our hope. Centuries of despair never diminished our faith. Centuries of pogroms, destruction and dispersion, never caused us to abandon our rightful place among the peoples of the earth. And no power, save that of the All powerful will cause this people to relinquish its rightful claim. The world needs to know and understand that this people are connected to that land now and forever.
Israel has endured; the Jewish people and the world are witness to the reclamation. If Israel is not successful how long before everyone endures the same fate? If Israel loses its land the world will lose its soul.
What can we do? Quite simply, as we approach the High Holiday season, continue to support Israel thus ensuring our destiny. We need to walk the ground that our ancestors walked; listen to the call of the ages as the Prophets once did; ensure the continuity of the generations. And pray that the children of Abraham, all of them, will find comfort with one another so that peace can be secured. Maybe then we will not have to wonder why God “chose” us. It will be evident.
At this time of the year, the time for observance of the High Holidays, our thoughts revolve around what was, what is, and what will be. And just as much thought is given to a place that has been in our hearts, Israel. We speak to God about the past and we beseech God about the future. This is a time for great contemplation about our place in the world and the contributions we have made for the betterment of the human experience.
There is a Yiddish folk saying that goes: “You have chosen us from among all the nations. Why, O Lord? What did you have against us?” Sometimes we wonder what all the fuss is about – this “chosen” business. Everyone calls us the “chosen people” and just as many want to undo what has been ordained. Is it jealousy? Perhaps. But the real culprit is the interpretation. We were chosen to deliver a message and to do so requires a place from which to accomplish this. That place is Israel, the Holy Land, the place designated to deliver the Holy message of God.
Whether you believe in the theory of the “Promised Land” is immaterial. The important thing to remember is that our people settled that land over three thousand years ago. That’s right, not yesterday, or two centuries ago, or even two millennium ago. We were chased and scattered all over the world for two thousand years, and finally, 60 years ago we returned with the vow never to be separated again.
David Ben-Gurion once stated that building a State means for us a return to the soil. We found hundreds of Arab villages but we did not take them away. We established hundreds of new Jewish villages bought with Jewish National Fund monies. We didn’t merely buy the land, we re-created the land. Hundreds of Jews died of malaria in the swamps and those that survived refused to leave until it was made healthy. With our toil, our sweat, and with an abundance of love we remade and are remaking the soil to enable all to settle there, not at the expense of anyone else. Anyone who has visited Israel (only 20% of American Jewry) can attest to a barren land made to flourish, cities that now reach heights of modernity. We have made contributions to humankind never dreamed possible that now enable people to live a better life.
We could repeat over and over again the virtues of a people so devoted to a land, a place, an ideal, and not repeat ourselves once. But there are forces that exist both covertly and overtly that would do everything to undermine the truth of who we are and what the Land of Israel means to us. Even to the extent of trying to re-write history.
A while ago there were a series of programs presented by CNN – a news media that does not hide its bias against Israel. The program was titled “God’s Warriors.” It was supposed to illustrate the fringes of all three religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Critics have already highlighted the programs multiple distortions, questionable experts and troubling bias regarding Judaism. The crux of the presentation regarding Judaism had nothing to do with Judaism but was used to denounce the settlements and their so-called impediment to a lasting Middle East peace. Can anyone in their right mind believe that this is the root of all the turmoil?
Before 1967 there were no settlements, but still the Arabs lived in poverty with no relief from their brothers in other Arab lands. Terrorists bombed Israel; Arab children had explosives strapped to their little bodies and were martyred by their people. Now their mother's have replaced them. There is nothing new here.
What is new is the suggestion that America’s ills are tied to this issue; that September 11, 2001 is a direct result of this issue; that the reign of terror visited on the whole world is a result of this issue; that terror organizations such as Hezbollah, PLO, Hamas, etc. are a result of this issue.
The program insisted that the Israel lobby controls America; that American Jews have dual loyalties; that the Jews are the cause of all the ills in the world. On and on we hear the same old tales with different twists. Never was it mentioned that Islam has declared war on the world – first the Saturday observers and then the Sunday observers.
In a new book by two distinguished professors, John Mearsheimer of the University of Chicago and Stephen Walt of Harvard wrote that Israel and America share common values. They portray Israel as an aggressor nation constantly threatening its neighbors and brutalizing the Palestinians and that the main reason America is the target of terrorists is because of its support for Israel. Even a past president of these United States espouses this theory and goes even further only because of his receipt of monies from Arab entities.
It is important for us to remember who we are. We need to understand who “they” are.
Not because we seek revenge but rather because we must safeguard our very lives from those who wish to destroy us. But as God has promised and fulfilled time and again –“those who curse you will themselves be cursed.”
Our dreams are the fabric that keep us from disappearing as have so many other civilizations. Centuries of wandering never dimmed our hope. Centuries of despair never diminished our faith. Centuries of pogroms, destruction and dispersion, never caused us to abandon our rightful place among the peoples of the earth. And no power, save that of the All powerful will cause this people to relinquish its rightful claim. The world needs to know and understand that this people are connected to that land now and forever.
Israel has endured; the Jewish people and the world are witness to the reclamation. If Israel is not successful how long before everyone endures the same fate? If Israel loses its land the world will lose its soul.
What can we do? Quite simply, as we approach the High Holiday season, continue to support Israel thus ensuring our destiny. We need to walk the ground that our ancestors walked; listen to the call of the ages as the Prophets once did; ensure the continuity of the generations. And pray that the children of Abraham, all of them, will find comfort with one another so that peace can be secured. Maybe then we will not have to wonder why God “chose” us. It will be evident.
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